When things get lousy, the thing I have the most trouble with is overcoming inertia. It’s been a pretty lousy time lately, so I’ve had all the forward momentum of an overturned tortoise. The best way to deal with unpleasantness is to face it head-on, but that’s a lot of work and I haven’t felt up to it. On the plus side, video games exist, right?
Times like these, I feel an overlarge sense of accomplishment for fulfilling the least of my obligations. There are times when I can’t even manage that much, although I’ve come up with a Terribly Clever Strategy to keep me moving when I would rather not: I pretend that I don’t have any choice.
That my seem a little slight and overly obvious, but I’ve found it to be a useful fib to tell myself. It’s what gets me out of bed and on the way to the office on cold mornings when I know work is going to be a bit of a pig and I have a beautiful wife next to me and a warm cat sleeping on my back. I would really rather be doing almost anything else than going to work or, ideally, doing nothing at all. I am not be nature especially ambitious or dedicated to my job, but I show up something approaching every day.
Of course, abject fear of losing the job plays a part as well.
Anyway, I’ve made a few commitments to myself and I’m telling myself that they are non-negotiable so as to encourage following through when I’d rather not. Maybe someday, I can use this sense of unease, on both a personal and larger level, as a spur to bring about changes in myself and the world around me. That sounds awfully noble, and I’d like to be the sort of person who does that. For now, though, I’ll just rouse myself by pretending that I have no other option. It’s not the most admirable motivation, but at least it works for me.
“Another John Doe” by thenewno2, which is Dhani Harrison’s band. He sounds a lot like his father, doesn’t he? Anyway, I like the moodiness of this song and suspect I would like it more with an adult beverage in my hand.