It has been called to my attention that I do not adequately inform the reader that there will be spoilers in the following text, so please, let there be no mistake: I will absolutely spoil this episode starting with the next paragraph. As if to make up for last week’s debacle, this turned out to be one of the most entertaining fight cards in the history of the show. Yeah, it was that good. There were a couple of duds, but even those had their moments. Let’s get down to it, boppers! Fight 1: Rotator v. Valkyrie This one promised to be wild, as both bots opted for similar configurations. Rotator went with a low bar spinner on the front and a big armored wedge on the back. It was slightly different than the one they used to beat Tombstone, as they needed to save a little weight to use the 30 lb. bar instead of the 20 lb. version. Valkyrie, as always, went with a low-mounted spinner, although they unveiled a new weapon, a three-pronged almost star-shaped affair. Victor Soto kept Rotator’s armored backside aimed at Valkyrie as much as possible, working on the theory that Valkyrie would eventually run out of steam or injure itself. That was a pretty reasonable bet, but it didn’t happen this time. Both bots’ weapons kept going for almost the entire three minutes, meaning that there was an unprecedented number of hits and there was a constant stream of sparks in the battlebox. Rotator had the early edge, getting under Valkyrie and causing it’s weapon to strike the box, but as the fight wore on, Valkyrie got cagier and managed to keep its wheels on the floor and started landing even bigger hits than it was taking. Eventually, the entire back wedge and right side of Rotator were torn off, while Valkyrie’s left armor plate was badly beaten. It was three full minutes of hit after hit after hit and it was exactly the kind of fight everyone hoped for but no one expected. The judges unanimously called it for Valkyrie, leaving Leanne Cushing’s bot at 2-0 while Rotator fell to 1-2 with its only win coming against Tombstone. Winner: Valkyrie (Unanimous decision) Fight 2: Extinguisher v. Gigabyte This fight featured two bots that just didn’t work at all in their first bout. The big question here was: Would Extinguisher be able to absorb a few blows to send Gigabyte’s full-body spinner flying into the wall and let it knock itself out? The answer was a resounding “no.” Extinguisher’s drive didn’t seem quite right, and the lack of mobility allowed Gigabyte to get to the center of the arena and pick its spots. The first couple of hits didn’t seem to do much, but the third bent Extinguisher’s hammer into an unrecognizable shape, ending any hope the fire engine-themed bot had of using its weapon. It didn’t matter, though, as it something had been knocked loose inside it and it just sort of stopped moving while Gigabyte was hovering menacingly on the off chance Extinguisher got it back together. Winner: Gigabyte (Knockout) Fight 3: Slap Box v. Sharko Another battle of 0-1 bots, this turned out to be a hell of a fight. Slap Box came in 0-1, but losing to Tombstone in your debut fight is nothing to be ashamed of and it held up better than anyone expected. Sharko lost a decision to Smee(etc.) in a really lousy fight between two bots that didn’t really have any way to hurt each other. I’m not 100% sure what Sharko’s weapon can do. It’s a “biter,” a control bot, with the nose raised, but I think it’s also meant to flip the other bot by raising its nose. It can also spin tremendously fast and whip its tail, which isn’t terribly effective, but it looks cool. Anyway, we got see Sharko get an early “bite” on Slap Box and drive it around the arena a little without doing any real damage. Sharko clamped down for a second time, this time grabbing Slap Box’s flipping arm, and Slap Box just lifted the arm and carried Sharko around before delivering a suplex. Again, it wasn’t tremendously damaging, but it was really cool to watch. Sharko’s motor gave out and Slap Box got the well-deserved win by KO. Sharko captain and driver Ed Robinson immediately came over to congratulate team Slap Box on their first win and the suplex, demonstrating the kind of “love of the sport over just winning and losing” that you love to see. Winner: Slap Box (Knockout) Fight 4: Madcatter v. Malice This was the fight I was looking forward to the most, as both bots came in at 2-0 and both, particularly Madcatter, had moments of looking like real contenders against all my expectations. Malice was still more about potential as its terrifying weapon hadn’t really been brought to bear. Madcatter went with their flipper configuration instead of the vertical spinner, which was probably a good idea as I don’t think it would have survived contact with Malice’s horizontal drum. They set up as a flipper for this one, and it turned out to a better call than they could have anticipated. The opening exchanges were all Madcatter as its superior mobility allowed it to get to the side of Malice and send Malice flying. Then, just like with Red Devil a few years back, Malice got knocked up into the air and it landed on it’s backside with no wheels touching the ground. Madcatter was content to let its opponent struggle to right itself and the judge counted Malice out. It was a little disappointing to see the fight end this way, but you couldn’t really argue with Madcatter taking advantage of the fact that their foe couldn’t right itself. Winner: Maddcatter (Knockout) Fight 5: Atom #94 v. Tantrum Yet another matchup of 0-1 bots, both of whom were the architects of their own demise in the first fight. Atom #94 couldn’t drive at all against Big Dill, and Tantrum’s batteries ran out too early in their first fight. The Atom #94 team felt they’d solved their drive problem, and Tantrum showed up without its signature fists but with more batteries, which was a good tradeoff. Atom #94 still looked sluggish, but it got the…
