In which I react to Rolling Stone’s “Top 200 Rock Songs of the 2000s”
Look, Rolling Stone is garbage. I get it. They’re a relic of the 1960s and they remained tied to that decade no matter how hard they try to pretend otherwise. As a tastemaker in music, they ranked well below..well, pretty much every publication you can name. They exist largely to tell boomers that their music is the best music and everything that has come since is inferior.
But…I’m a sucker for lists.
And I am always intriguied when they get out of their lane. The 2000s are definitely out of their lane. So, for the sake of my own amusement, I’m going to react to whichever picks they make catch my eye. I’ll go from the bottom of the list up to their top picks. I can almost guarantee you that, against all odds, there will be some Bob Dylan on the list. There will likely be some Paul McCartney. Probably Springsteen too. It’s Rolling Stone, after all. Let’s do this!
197. “2 Rights Make 1 Wrong” – Mogwai. A little shocked to see this gem on the list. This is my alarm clock music. Great tune. Is this list going to surprise me?
169. “Whole Wide World” – Rolling Stones. No, this list is not going to surprise me.
147. “Don’t Look Back Into The Sun” – The Libertines. They tried to make heroin cool. Didn’t work.
146. “Big Sky” – Lou Reed. Bwahahahahha.
126. “The Way We Get By” – Spoon. Okay. Solid pick. This is a banger and is correctly ranked.
122. “Fine Line” – Paul McCartney. I knew it.
117. “The Hand That Feeds” – Nine Inch Nails. Oh god. One of my faves is a legacy act now (Pretty Hate Machine came out 37 years ago, so that tracks).
111. “I Believe in a Thing Called Love” – The Darkness. Yeah, that’s about right. One song was precisely the right dose of The Darkness.
110. “Key West” – Bob Dylan. That two of the three.
85. “Bring Me To Life” – Evanescence. The “Kiss Me Deadly” of the 2000s and I can’t argue with this pick.
84. “Chaise Longue” – Wet Leg. Heh. You know, I still suspect that at some point Wet Leg will be revealed as an elaborate joke, but I’ve loved everything I’ve heard so far.
76. “I Predict a Riot” – Kaiser Chiefs. Good band. Probably never quite lived up to the hype, but they deserved better than to be forgotten.
71. “Since U Been Gone” – Kelly Clarkson. Way too low. This was a defining song of its day, and the chorus kills.
56. “I Write Sins Not Tragedies” – Panic! at the Disco. The indie band with the second best song titles of the era (stares in Los Campesinos!). This feels like the right place for this song.
51. “Supermassive Black Hole” – Muse. Um…look, it’s a fine tune. It was a great record. But where the hell is “Knights of Cydonia”? That should be top ten.
49. “Hash Pipe” – Weezer. Fun fact: You can sing Lita Ford’s “Kiss Me Deadly” and 4 Non Blondes’ “What’s Up” to this tune. It’s…ok? Rated way too high. Weezer made two great records and never came close after the first pair.
48. “Letter From an Occupant” – New Pornographers. I sense a trend here: We’re going to list the first single from a lot of my favorite bands rather than their best or even their most enduring. Good song, great band, nowhere near their best track. Fun fact: This blog is named for a New Pornographer’s song.
44. “House of Jealous Lovers” – The Rapture. I…don’t get this song at all. Meh.
42. “B.O.B.” – OutKast. A stretch to call it “rock”, but…hell yeah. Good pick.
38. “Honest With Me” – Bob Dylan. <insert Tina Fey eyeroll>. Bob Dylan did not have 2 of the 200 best rock songs of the 2000s, and certainly not one of the top 40.
37. “Rebellion (Lies)” – Arcade Fire. Has this band had some ups and downs or what? Anyway, this is a crazy good song and it belongs in the top 40.
35. “Time to Pretend” – MGMT. Any of the three singles from Oracular Spectacular (“Kids” and “Electric Feel”) could have been the choice.
29. “Float On” – Modest Mouse. It will be hard to explain to people how ubiquitous this song was in 2004. I suppose you could say the same about Phoenix’ “1901” which was also on the list but I didn’t like it as much as “Float On”.
27. “The Rising” – Bruce Springsteen. Ding ding ding! Got ’em all.
26. “Hate to Say I Told You So” – The Hives. This song is about 100000x better than the Springsteen tune.
25. “The Middle” – Jimmy Eat World. Perfect way to start the top 25. Great song. Agree with the rating.
24. “Yellow” – Coldplay. WTF, Rolling Stone. This is not one of their 10 best songs, and that bar isn’t super high. Another one of those ‘We have to include the band so let’s use their first single’ acts I hinted at earlier.
20. “Sugar, We’re Goin Down” – Fall Out Boy. Perfect way to start the top 20. Great song. Agree with the rating.
18. “Wolf Like Me” – TV On the Radio”. Oh my yes. 100% this belongs here. Also, the title of one of the 6 issues of Kieron Gillen and Jamie McKelvie’s “Phonogram: The Singles Club” which you should read. Go. Go read it. I’ll wait.
16. “Welcome to the Black Parade” – My Chemical Romance. When being 16th on the list feels like a criminally low rating. Haven’t seen the rest (have some guesses), but I feel like this could have been a contender for #1.
15. “Take Me Out” – Franz Ferdinand. I guess? It’s a strong tune, but this feels too high for me. Maybe I’m biased by the fact their label paid a shit-ton of money under the table to generate the hype.
12. “That’s What You Get” – Paramore. I was a little worried Paramore wouldn’t make it. Not the song I expected. You know which song I expected. Maybe it’ll be higher on the list?
11. “Times Like These” – Foo Fighters. If this is the 11th best rock song of a quarter century, then rock is in sad shape. Which, of course, it is. There’s nothing wrong with this track, but the Foos were almost into self-parody territory by this time.
9. “I Bet You Look Good on the Dancefloor” – Arctic Monkey. Nah. Good tune, but nowhere near their best. Their first single, though, which probably explains it.
8. “99 Problems” – Jay-Z. I don’t love this pick. I understand it, but…I don’t really like it. It rocks. It was Important-with-a-capital-I, but it feels more like a gimmick.
7. “Last Night” – The Strokes. Ugh. Fine. Song got a lot of love. I find them so, so boring. Imagine The Hives but without any energy.
4. “Good 4 U” – Olivia Rodrigo. Welp, I was sorta right about the Paramore song, huh? It’s a near-cover of “Misery Business”. Same chorus, same themes, and even a similar video. It’s a good near-cover, but I don’t see it as a top 5 song.
3. “Mr. Brightside” – The Killers. It’s not my personal favourite, but I can’t really argue with it. Anthemic and bombastic and such a 3$%#$ earworm.
2. “Seven Nation Army” – The White Stripes. 40 spots too high on the list. I know they love them some Jack White since he’s a Rock Purist, but…nah.
1. “Maps” – Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Huh. If I squint I can see it. It’s one of the least “rock” Yeah Yeah Yeahs songs, but it did make a massive impact.
So…yeah, typical Rolling Stone list. Mostly safe picks, a few nice surprises, a lot of cringe nods to the dinosaurs. I’ll make a top 25, but…it’s not the “25 Best”, it’s the “My Personal 25 Favourites”:
25. “2 Rights Make 1 Wrong” – Mogwai
24. “Better Son/Daughter” – Rilo Kiley
23. “Dear Jenny” – Dresden Dolls
22. “I Will Follow You Into the Dark” – Deathcab for Cutie
21. “The Beast and the Harlot” – Avenged Sevenfold
20. “Club Foot” – Kasabian
19. “Hate To Say I Told You So” – The Hives
18. “Bang Bang Bang” – Mark Ronson and the Business International
17. “Castaway Angels” – Leprous
16. “Rebellion (Lies)” – Arcade Fire
15. “Helena” – My Chemical Romance
14. “Destroy Everything You Touch” – Ladytron
13. “Ophelia” – Ambulance LTD
12. “On High” – Soundpool
11. “Pursuit of Happiness” – Kid Cudi
10. “Go!” – M83
9. “My Coco” – Stellastarr*
8. “Dead Disco” – Metric
7. “GOAT” – Polyphia
6. “Kids” – MGMT
5. “Where Have All the Rude Boys Gone?” – Ted Leo and the Pharmacists
4. “Tidal Wave” – Longwave
3. “What It Sounds Like” – Huntr/x
2. “The Bleeding Heart Show” – New Pornographers
1. “We Are Beautiful, We Are Doomed” – Los Campesinos!