Author: Ridley

*deep breath* OK, so, there’s been a lot going on. Let’s do this. So, it turns out that working from home for an extended period of time in a tiny apartment is tough. Tough on me and tough on Nicole. The only reasonable work space for me is right in the middle of the living room which is a cramped space and it is certainly cramping for Nicole. Given that no one is likely to be working in an office any time soon (or, ffs, they shouldn’t be), we started looking at larger apartments that weren’t as centrally located. This place is a great jumping off point for taking advantage of the city, but there’s naught to take advantage of these days, so it doesn’t make a lot of sense for us right. But then, we had a brainstorm: “Would it make more sense to buy a house?” With the largely-remote nature of work extending into the foreseeable future, we had the opportunity to look outside of town. It turns out that this city is expensive to live in, but there are places within an hour of town that are more affordable and awfully nice. We battened down the hatches, paid some loans off, learned that paying off loans is dumb if you’re trying to work on your credit score, and got ourselves ready to meet with the bank to get a loan. We made an appointment and then… …I was furloughed the day before the meeting. That changed things a bit. At least we’d paid down some cards so we were able to get by, but it did put buying a house on hold and put us in an awkward position with regards to renewing our lease. Fortunately, I got an interview almost immediately. I wound up getting five interviews and a verbal offer, so things looked good, but somewhere between the verbal and the written, something changed and that fell through. This put us in an unfortunate position. The unemployment office here won’t answer their phone, so cash flow was becoming problematic. We were, however, fortunate. My old job decided that they were ready to bring me back so I restarted there this Monday. Phew. So, we got lucky. After a little recovery time, we should be OK and should be able to get moving again shortly. In other news, my boy is getting old. At some point in July, he seemed to be having trouble with his vision. This came to a head when I pulled out his favorite toy, the red laser. The sound of me picking up the laser always gets his attention, and this time was no different. But, when I turned the light on and started moving it around, he couldn’t see it at all. He just looked up at me and meowed, and I started crying because, damn, my cat couldn’t play with his favorite toy anymore. He’s not 100% blind, but it’s pretty close. We have to take care to not to move stuff around to much, but otherwise, he’s not terribly inconvenienced. He jumps up on the cat tree and on the bed like it’s no big thing. Sure, he runs into door sometimes, but otherwise, he’s doing OK. Anything else? Not a lot, I mean, when you’re unemployed, you kind of go to ground and try to conserve energy and resources. My secondary gig is still going, and that’s a lot of fun even if it isn’t terribly financially rewarding. The political landscape isn’t helping, nor is the ongoing pandemic and, I feel for everyone in California because it’s smoky here. Oh, and hurricanes and…jeez, this has been a bad year. Oh, and I’m pretty allergy prone, so with all the crud in the air, I’ve had post-nasal drip and a dryish-cough for some time now. Since my immune system is being kept locked down, the consensus was that I probably ought to get myself tested for COVID. So…I did. The negative result didn’t surprise me, but I did feel a little bit of relief. Anyway, that’s where I am now. I didn’t want to say anything until a couple of balls in the air landed. Fortunately, they landed relatively gracefully and without breakage. Thanks for all the concern and sorry for being vague last week, but, well, y’all know me. “Vague” is sort of my thing. -RK

Before I get started, I’ll acknowledge that I’ve been away for a bit. Things have been chaotic and that chaos hasn’t subsided yet, although it may soon. I apologize for being vague, but I’ll clarify when the dust settles. I have a lot to say, but that’s not what this post is about. This is going to be the niche-iest of the niche-y: My thoughts on a hardware device for learning how synthesizers work! I was 18 when I got my first “real” synthesizer, and by “real” I mean that it allowed me to build sounds from scratch as opposed to just selecting presets like “tuba” and “harpsichord.” Arnold and Morgan up in Dallas had a stack of Roland SH-101 synths that they were trying to clear out, so they’d been marked down to $199 new. I literally had no clue what to do with it. There were some helpful illustrations in the back of the manual showing how to make an “organ” sound or “synth lead” by manipulating the settings, But, I didn’t know what a “DCO” was or what the different wave shapes meant. I didn’t really understand what a filter was, or how it worked with resonance, and I absolutely couldn’t have explained an ADSR envelope. But, in a sense, I was very fortunate. The SH-101 was a very simple machine with limited options and things laid out in a fairly intuitive fashion. If I worked left-to-right with the sliders and knobs, I could get an idea of how the different settings changed the sound. That was the beginning of what has been a very long love affair with electronic music. So, recently, I’ve been wondering: What would be the best synthesizer to teach the basics of analog subtractive synthesis? We’re in a golden era of neat, affordable hardware, but none of it seems really aimed at learning the basics. There’s nothing I’d sell to schools as the machine for learning how this stuff works. Ideally, here’s what I would look for: * Analog-style workflow* 37 or more full-sized keys* 4 note polyphony?* All parameters controlled by a knob or a slider (no “menu diving”)* No features beyond what is needed to learn the basics* One speaker and optional battery power for portability?* The ability to save a small number of patches because starting from scratch every time gets old* An inviting, intuitive front panel* MIDI implementation* The lowest price possible Now, there’s an elephant in the room here. Why not just use softsynths on a laptop with a MIDI controller keyboard? That’d be a lot cheaper (at least, if you don’t count the price of the laptop). Honestly, that’s not a bad idea. I’d prefer not to go that route because I think there’s real value in touching the sliders and knobs and hearing how that changes the sounds. There’s more of a remove if you’re using the mouse to do it. Maybe that’s just me showing my age, but that’s my thinking. Does anything like this currently exist? Not that I’ve found, but there are quite a few that are close. The Korg Minilogue has small keys and way to many features. The Arturia Minibrute is monophonic, but it ticks a lot of the boxes. But…these are pro-level machines and, what makes them attractive to that set is that they can do a great deal more than I’m looking for here. The closest to this platonic idea is Roland’s old Juno 106. Just look at this beauty: It may not look like it, but that is a remarkably uncluttered panel and it’s really attractive, too. This was Roland’s entry-level polyphonic synth back in the day, a cheaper alternative to their coveted Jupiter line. The Junos absolutely sold like mad, in no small part because they were so simple. You could learn everything there was to learn about them fairly quickly, which made sound creation much faster and easier. So why isn’t this my model learning synth? Because they’re very, very expensive these days and no one has gotten around to cloning them yet (Uli, I’m looking at you!). A Juno in good condition would go for a couple thousand dollars now and, because they’re vintage, they take some care to maintain as well (although less than most of the other synths of that era). Speaking of Uli Behringer, his company seems the most likely to come up with something like this. They’ve made a name for themselves cloning vintage gear and selling it much cheaper than the original. Their versions of the Minimoog, Octave Cat, and Sequential Pro-One are all outstanding, but to me, the interesting one is the MS-1, their clone of the Roland SH-101. Behringer have added some features which excite me as a gear-loving nerd, but defeat what I’m going after here. We don’t need FM synthesis for our learning machine. We need, essentially, the workflow of the SH-101 (which was nearly identical to that of the Juno), stripping out the bells and whistles, adding a few keys, and one internal speaker, and I think you’re there. Hey, turns out you CAN do edits in MS-Paint. You probably shouldn’t, though… This is my first attempt at re-arranging the MS-1 as the MS-L (for learning!). I’ve moved a few things around so they make more sense to me. I’ve removed the sequencer, the FM, the pitch wheel, and left the Arturia-style waveform mixer because that’s really nice. My uneducated hope is that something like this could be made with digital oscillators and filters instead of analog because that should bring the price down and make it more stable in the long run. The goal here isn’t to produce an analog synth; it’s to produce a hardware device that teaches the basics of analog synthesis. Is there a demand for this sort of thing? Damned if I know! I know I would have loved a class that taught me this stuff and encouraged me to play with sound design. Maybe, though, it’s just too niche and not worth the investment. It may be that this sort of thing wouldn’t have the appeal of a class in production, sampling, looping, and using a digital audio workstation. It would be very much like me to come up with an idea that would have been genius 30 years ago. Anyway, that’s what’s…

I grew up in Plano, Texas. We moved there in 1970 when it was only about 5,000 people and Custer Road wasn’t yet paved. But, by the time I was driving age, it had grown into a suburb’s suburb. When you imagine a Texas suburb, you’re pretty much imagining Plano: Aggressively middle-class (with a few liars on either end of the scale), major streets laid out on a perfect grid around cul de sac riddled subdivisions, lots of green space, lots of shopping, and everything west of the freeway was extremely, uniformly, white (slight exaggeration, but…). Growing up there, I believed that all of this and all of my experiences were normal. So, when I started driving, my parents had the talk with me. No, not that talk. That’s gross. It was the talk about dealing with the police. My parents, either assuming that I would drive with the skill and care of an average teenager or else just knowing me really well, figured that it wouldn’t be long before I would be rolling down my winding and handing over my license and registration. I guess that hardly required a crystal ball. What they told me has remained with me to this day. “The police are there to help you.” “If you treat them with respect, they’ll treat you with respect.” “Don’t make their job any harder than it needs to be; their work is dangerous and they never know when someone could try to hurt them.” This was good and reasonable advice for me. It has served me well. I seldom got tickets when I was pulled over and never felt threatened. I saw friends mouth off, ask them if they had any “real” criminals to catch, and those friends always got tickets. I’ve been cuffed a couple of times, both of which were richly deserved, but otherwise, my interactions with the police have been reasonably neutral. So far, so good. What I did not understand at all was that what was true for me was not true for everyone. Of course, I assumed that it was true for all people, and that proved to be highly fucked-up. If you believe that the police will treat you well if you treat them well, and you see the police treating someone badly and you’re not especially well-versed in how the world works (i.e. ignorant AF), the assumption is that that someone did something to deserve their bad treatment. There are unspoken assumptions that go along with privilege if you’re not aware of it. Here’s an example: For years, I’ve told a story about one particular run-in with the law. I was driving home from Prestonwood Mall on the night of the first Dallas Mavericks’ playoff game. It was on the west coast, so if I hurried home, I could just about make it in time for tip-off. Hurry I did, going over 100 mph on Preston Road in an old VW Beetle. The light at Campbell Road turned yellow and there was no chance my little rear-engined, drum-braked car would be able to stop, so I just kept on going. There was a police car at the light ready to turn on to Preston, so I was good an truly busted. I had my car stopped and my license out before he even turned on his lights. The officer approached me and said “Boy, we don’t do that around here. How fast was you going?” I told him 105 mph. He shook his head, took my license, and went back to the car. He had to call it in because this was back in the dark ages before the internet. 20 minutes later, he came back and said “Boy, I’m gonna teach you a lesson…a lesson ‘bout honesty. Since you was honest with me about how fast your were going, I’m only going to write you up for 55 in a 45.” A few pleasantries and thank yous later, and I was off and home by the second quarter. I used to think that this was a story about the wisdom of treating the police with respect. It isn’t, though, is it? It’s a story about my privilege. Because I was (and remain) white and suburban and, yeah, respectful, I got out of what could have been a very bad situation and very possibly a night in jail. It wasn’t because I was good or smart; it was because of my privilege that I emerged unscathed. Anyway, I wish all of my blind spots had spot lights on them like that so I could re-examine them and try to course-correct. Spot lights are easy, though. Blind spots require digging around through things you already know and haven’t really questioned and you have to be prepared for the possibility that you weren’t quite the hero of your story you thought you were. -RK PS-I’ve been depressed. Really depressed. The sort that makes returning phone calls feel like they require a herculean effort and writing has been out of the question. I’m working on it (especially now that my side hustle is restarting), but bear with me.

If you’ve been anywhere near social media, mostly Facebook I presume, you’ll have seen this one: Day X of “20 Albums In 20 Days”. Covers only, no explanations. Albums that impacted your life in some way. Nominate someone else to do the same thing each day. That kind of list-making is absolute catnip to me. There’s one little problem: “no explanations.” If there’s anything I love more than music it is talking about why I like music. So, while I did the thing over on FB, I’m going to cheat now and provide the stories that go with my selections. Why? I don’t even know what day it is anymore, so cut me some slack on this one. 1. Oil and Gold – Shriekback “Nemesis” was absolutely all over the clubs back in the day, which is appropriate because it’s a great song. When I finally bought the records, though, I was shocked. It was maybe the sixth or seventh best song on the album. Literally everything on Oil and Gold is great. These albums were in no particular order, but this was as easy a pick as I’d get to make. 2. Viva Terlingua! – Jerry Jeff Walker I was raised on showtunes (mom) and 70s country music (dad). This was a particularly bloodless era in the history of C&W. The “Nashville sound” just didn’t work for me. This, however, is not Nashville. This was my introduction to “outlaw” country, which was much more my speed. It was my first exposure to country where the band seemed as important as the singer, and the Lost Gonzos were one hell of a band. Jerry Jeff was my first concert, too, at Billy Bob’s in Fort Worth. I won tickets to a New Year’s Eve all-you-can-drink show. Not a bad first show, huh? 3. Suffer – Bad Religion Matt, one of my co-workers at the record store, recommended this to me. Or, rather, he recommended Christian Death’s record and I mis-remembered it. Some accidents work out. This changed how I looked at punk with the intelligence, the quality of the vocals, and the energy of the performance. I was reliably told that real punk doesn’t have harmonies, but I can live with that. 4. Hearts of Oak – Ted Leo + Pharmacists Newly divorced and in a strange city, I was re-discovering discovering music in the early 2000s. Canadian music video channels and especially Spin magazine were two of my more reliable sources. I loved Ted Leo before I heard a single note of his music, so it was a tremendous relief when I finally got hold of this album and found that the music lived up to the hype. Leo was obviously influenced heavily by the stuff from the 80s that I wasn’t cool enough to like then. 5. Loveless – My Bloody Valentine Sigh. I was given the promo copy of Loveless (on cassette, no less!) at the record store. I listened to it once, decided it wasn’t really my thing, and gave it to Curtis. A decade or so later, I heard “Soon” in some random place and realized I’d made a huge mistake. 6. Fear of a Black Planet – Public Enemy Stefan, a guy I waited tables with, knew I was heavily into Nine Inch Nails and thought I’d dig this. So I went over to his house and he put on “Welcome to the Terrordome” and damned if he wasn’t right. This did for hip-hop was Suffer did for punk, at least for me. I had to re-evaluate everything I thought about the genre because Fear of a Black Planet is undeniable. And Bob, if you’re reading this, I still remember your take on the title track. 7. Flood – They Might Be Giants In 1990, there were two albums that were reliably in the record collection of every girl I knew: This one and Yaz’s Upstairs at Eric’s. I was already a TMBG fan, but the fact that they covered a song my mom used to sing to me (“Istanbul”) kind of freaked me out. At the show on this tour, instead of shirts, they sold fezzes, which has to be the most TMBG thing ever. 8. Pretty Hate Machine – Nine Inch Nails This album was my life for longer than I care to admit. Every track still works for me. In August of 1989, when “Down In It” hit the clubs, none of us had heard anything like it (well, Skinny Puppy fans had…*cough* ). I don’t think I wore anything but black for a couple of years. I got the CD at the most alternative store in Dallas (that would be the Hastings at Valley View and yes that’s a joke) in November and haven’t stopped playing it since. 9. LP – Ambulance, LTD. One of two bands on this list that were murdered by label issues. I found Ambulance by accident. I went to a SxSW showcase at the Red-Eyed Fly to see Stellastarr* (who were terrific) and got there in time to see an opening act that played absolutely perfect guitar pop, stuff Matthew Sweet might have come up with if hadn’t listened to so much Television. Anyway, the flyer for the show had the band order wrong I thought I was looking for The Unicorns, and it took me a couple weeks to find out who I’d really seen. This is a strong contender for best album of the millennium. 10. Young Team – Mogwai I choked on this selection. I love the album, and Mogwai Fear Satan is one of my favorite songs to play loudly (if not well) on guitar. But…if I were to pick a Mogwai record, it should probably be Rock Action, which was my first and I still use the intro from “2 Rights Make 1 Wrong” as my alarm song. 11. Electric Version – The New Pornographers Another Spin discovery. The reviews were glowing but didn’t really give me any sense what they sounded like. Eventually, this album was added to the jukebox at Casino el Camino and I got to give it a listen. It was love at first note. All of their albums are hook-stuffed, harmony-rich power pop perfection, but this one is my pick of that very fine litter. The first four songs would…

This one’s a little different. I’m stealing this from Craig Calcaterra, one of my favorite writers and a guy you really ought to consider following on Twitter. One of his friends came up with a series of questions regarding the pandemic and how it has affected you/me/all of us and they’re a good exercise for getting a sense of how you’re doing. So, I stole it. With permission, of course, but still.. When was the last day you went in to work? Physically? Wow…that’s a tougher question than I would have thought. 14 March, if I remember correctly. Somewhere around then. I’m pretty sure I just went in to pick up my laptop. “Weird” gets normalized quickly, doesn’t it? When did your state or city order everyone to stay at home? The city order came on 24 March. It’s a bit of a miracle that the state of Texas hasn’t overridden it. They’re prone to do that sort of thing. Has there been a particular change to your lifestyle that has been difficult to make or accept? Like many people who don’t normally work at home, the loss of compartmentalization of “work” vs. “off-work” has been a struggle. In addition, the fact that so much of the company has been furloughed has cut lines of communications and rendered establish process obsolete. We’re reinventing the wheel with everything we do and, despite my lack of organization in most everything, I’m a creature of process at work. Finally, my side gig is also shot. It’s a sportswriting job, and, as you may have noticed, we have a distinct lack of sports these days. I don’t watch a lot of sports, but losing that little thing to look forward to is weird. Having things to look forward to is like being able to see the next rung on the ladder. There’s nothing to put any demarcation between the days right now.  What do you miss the most? Normalcy? That’s too broad. I miss the sense that I know what the next day, the next month, and the next year will bring. Weekdays and weekends are just isolation days now. Gray, indistinct, and very, very uncertain.  What is the most unusual thing you have noticed since this crisis began? How social media has regressed by 15 years and I mean that in a good way. People are doing more and more of lists/quizzes/meme/tag-you’re-it posts on Facebook and Twitter than I’ve seen in ages. I did not expect this particular reaction. I’m not sure what it means, but it feels like it’s a good thing.  Do you know anyone who has COVID-19? I don’t yet, but it won’t be long. It’s circling near my direct social circles and I would wager that, within a week, someone I know will have it. Do you know anyone who had died from complications related to COVID-19? No.  How long do you think it will be before the stay-at-home order is lifted in your community? There’s really no way of knowing, is there? If I had to guess, it’ll be around the 1st of June, but it could be earlier (probably too early in that case). The complete lack of a national strategy makes me hesitant to even consider the end date.  Will you immediately return to your normal routine after the stay-at-home order is lifted? Or will you wait before returning to normal? If you’ll wait, how much longer will you do so? I think it will depend on when the order is lifted and the circumstances in which it is lifted. If we’ve decided to lift it to “save the stock market” when it’s clearly not safe to lift it? I don’t think I’ll be returning to normal. If we really are past it, and the medical professionals are giving us the thumbs up, I expect I’ll return to whatever the new normal looks like pretty quickly. I do expect the new normal to be somewhat different than the old.  What’s the first thing you want to do when the stay-at-home order is lifted? Take a weekend trip with my wife and/or visit my family. Not sure the order of the two, but those will be first. Have you been ordering food out from local restaurants (carry-out or delivery)? We have not. Nicole has been cooking every night. We might mix in a carry-out at some point, but the combination of uncertain income and risks are pushing us to dine at home as much as possible. How often have you been going to the grocery store? About once a week. We’ve found that Amazon delivery is utterly useless right now, and scheduling delivery from the grocery store is spotty. With restrictions on how much one can buy, a week is about the extent of how long we can go. Huge shout out to H-E-B. We’re very fortunate to have them. They had a plan for this sort of pandemic and started updating and implementing it in mid-January. So, going to the grocery is a little less traumatic for us than it might otherwise be.  Will you wear a mask when you go out? To the incredibly infrequent degree I do go out, the answer is “yes”. There’s no reason not to and if it normalizes it a little, then I reckon that’s a good thing. Again fortune was with us on this one. My wife has a decent stash of masks from crafting, so we’re in good shape there.  Do you think other people have been taking this crisis seriously? Too broad a question. I think more people are taking it seriously every day, but there are still those who are getting their news from bad sources who have been downplaying how serious this is. Unfortunately a lot of those people are older and more at risk of serious complications if they become infected. But, I think the trend is moving in the right direction; it’s just happening a month or two too late.  Do you think people have been over-reacting to this situation? No. The doctors are pretty unanimous in saying we’ve been under-reacting. Some of the reactions have been appropriate strong but misguided (toilet paper, I’d be looking at you if I could find you), but by and large? No, if anything it’s the opposite. How many people do you…

It’s windy and gray outside, which means that by the time I finish writing this, the skies will open up and it’ll be one of those Texas spring deluges that generates flash flood warning and tiny toad spawns. I don’t dislike days like this, and in the right mood, I kind of dig them. They’re interesting and there’s been little enough of that going around of late. I’m loving the way that social media has become list-and-meme driven like it’s 2005 again. The sense of social in social networking had been almost choked out of it. But what do I know? I’m an old LiveJournal guy who still remembers the markup for hiding stuff behind a cut. Anyway, one of the more popular lists going around right now is the one where you name ten things that most people like that you don’t. It’s a fun exercise and I think I may have even responded to one of them on Twitter, but today, I think I’m going to name ten things that I love right now; ten things that are giving me good feelings in the here-and-now. My therapist would be proud. In no particular order: 1. My cat, Winjamin Failclaw This doofus is determined to make the most of my home-bounditude. He’s an oddity in that he used to be a lap cat but isn’t so much anymore. He instead prefers to wait until I am at least somewhat-reclined and climbs up on my chest with his paws over my shoulder. This is not optimal for video conferencing. Well, it is not optimal for me. He doesn’t seem to mind in the least. He’s getting on in years so it’s nice to seem him become more affectionate as time goes by. 2. These pens now that I got the #$^%^ ink working A few years ago, I got a nifty Lamy Safari fountain pen and bought some beautiful ink to go with it. And, after a while, I stopped using it because it just never seemed to work worth a damn. The ink, unlike the spice, did not flow. Also, I wasn’t thrilled with the medium-sized nib I had on it. So, I thought I’d get a finer nib and it turned out that you’re pretty much better off just buying another pen. It’s easy to switch the nibs on ‘em. The new pen came with some generic ink and it worked perfectly with either nib. I finally put two and two together and looked up how to thin out ink. It turns out you…add water. Yep, that’s all there is to it. And now the fancy ink works beautifully, even with the fine nib. Simultaneously happy and embarrassed. These pens are a real joy to write with, but I feel kinda dumb that it took so long to figure out what was wrong. 3. My apocalypse playlists Just a little something to get me through the night. The first one, my favorite, is mostly soft and sad. The second is instrumental (a lot of post-rock, if that’s your bag), and the third is industrial. Enjoy! 4. My wife Nicole Here’s where my luck really kicks in. It turns out we really enjoy spending time together and tend not to get in each other’s way. Working from home these last three weeks has been tough on me, but it’s nothing to do with her. Instead, she’s making me feel loved and welcome in small, surprising ways that have helped keep me moving when it would be far easier not to. 5. My ridiculous hobby and all the toys associated with it I am not a musician. Not. Even. Close. However, I’m worse at singing than anything else, so I have to find some other way to scratch that itch. Thanks to the sounds of Side 3 of Genesis’ Three Sides Live, I am a keyboard guy. I love the sounds, I love the feel, I love the way they work, I love composing, and I especially love playing along with songs I, um…love. That’s too many “loves” for one sentence. Anyway, I’ve been collecting and playing the things since I bought Kevin Corrigan’s Sequential Prelude back in high school. I’ve owned, at one time or another…too many to list. They’re a marvelous hobby to sink myself into when I can’t leave the apartment and need to dump some anxiety. 6. Baking bread Yeah, I know everyone’s doing this now, to which I say: “Good for everyone!” I’m using an absurdly slow sourdough recipe that is finally yielding the kind of results I’ve been hoping for since I baked my first loaf of bread. It takes a couple days to make, but I’m finally getting all of the elements that I’ve been looking for. It’s also just weirdly satisfying to do something like this as a reaction to difficult financial times. It feels like I’m contributing (I can feel Nicole’s side-eye here as she’s doing the lion’s share of shopping and cooking) in a way that is very hands on way. 7. This ridiculous little espresso maker Nicole bought this because she doesn’t care for drip coffee. $30 on Amazon and with some seriously sketchy reviews (“Tends to explode”), but for the price, it can’t be beat. It’s not especially…espresso-y…but it’s a good, strong bracing splash of coffee to start one’s day. It’s lasted a few years already and it paid for itself in about a week, so, yeah. Love this little guy. He’s my best friend first thing in the morning. 8. The pond Staying in one place generally means you don’t get a lot of variety in your view. We’re fortunate in that we chose a place to live that has far more windows than most apartments. Most of what we can see is “other apartments” which can be amusing, especially when the lady across the street is throwing things at her mother, but otherwise…they’re apartments. On the other hand, we also have the pond. Yes, I know. It’s really just a runoff collection tank to help alleviate floods, but it’s still pretty pond-y. We get ducks, coots, and egrets. We get turtles and snails. We also get snakes and bats, which have their charm but are more charming at a distance. It’s also directly west of us, so we get some pretty…

Time has stopped working. Or, at least, it has stopped working in the way I was accustomed to it working. Every day feels pretty much like the last, and I say that as someone who is (currently) fortunate enough to remain employed. Other than going to the doctor (more on that in a bit), I haven’t really been out of the apartment for anything beyond checking the mail or a brief walk around the neighborhood when no one else was about. We’re all trying very hard not to occupy each other’s space, which feels like something from a China Miéville novel more than anything Kafka ever wrote. I won’t post any pictures here because I like the few of you that read this, but I was afflicted with a skin infection last week. At first I thought it was just an allergic reaction due to all of the various pollens in the air right now, but, given the meds I’m on, I really shouldn’t be able to have an allergic reaction to anything. It didn’t respond to anything, or rather it didn’t respond in a positive way to any treatments available to me, so I sought out my dermatologist. Seeing a doctor was a little different than it was the last time I did it. We started with a video call and I tried, to the best of my ability to show her the affected areas on both of my arms. I did well enough for her to say “ew” and ask me to come in to see her. I put on my mask, grabbed a Clorox wipe like an 18th century dandy’s kerchief, and got n the car for the first time in a week. When I arrived, the door was locked and the nurse came out an unlocked it and opened it for me. She then opened the door back to the exam room for me and guided me back to it. I was the only patient in the building. The doctor arrived, also wearing a mask, and did cultures on the sores, prescribed me some heavy antibiotics, and that was that. It turns out it was MRSA again. So, if I needed another reason to stay home, I had it. That was the “highlight” of my week. I have a side hustle, but it is sports-related and as it turns out, there’s not much going on in the world of sports right now. I produced three articles for them anyway, because why not? One of them was the single-dumbest thing I’ve ever written and I couldn’t be more proud of it. There’s no money in that gig, but it’s something to do. We’re now to the point where everything feels pointless. I just don’t see any other people outside of conference calls.. I might as well be on a mission to Mars right now. The rest of the world feels more and more abstract.. Social media helps. It reminds me that people are still out there, still moving, still doing things, sharing lists and photos like it’s LiveJournal all over again. It doesn’t completely replace experiencing the outside world.

I set a new record in Pokemon go last week: I walked zero kilometers. I’m quite “embunkered” right now, which isn’t really a word, but it should be and probably will be before this is all over. I might as well document what’s going on here for posterity’s sake, right? What’s going on is very little. Like most businesses, the one I work for is down to a skeletal staff. I am incredibly fortunate to be part of that skeleton, but it feels tenuous. I feel as though I am under the microscope to justify my continued employment on a daily basis. I suspect it feels like that because it is like that. Businesses with no revenue tend to pay a great deal of attention to expenses. Actually doing work is difficult right now. It is, I imagine, somewhat analogous to recovering from a stroke. The majority of the familiar pathways are no longer connected and working. Who I work with, what I’m doing, what I’m responsible for…all of these things have to be relearned on the fly. It’s not a situation that lends itself to good sleep. My sleeping patterns are shifting by about half an hour a day, but they’ve moved as far as they can in the morning. Thanks to my now extremely-short commute, I had some slack, but it’s gone now and I need to be able to function in the morning on limited coffee rations, so this is not a sustainable pattern. Nicole is doing an amazing job of creating filling, tasty meals out of items that are both cheap and available for purchase, which is a short list that doesn’t guarantee any of it will go together. She’s making it work, though. I’ve been baking a lot of sourdough bread and we’ve only recently realized that the discard from the starter is an amazing additive to waffles, pancakes, rolls, and…well, most anything remotely bread-related. The waffles are to die for. The sourdough thing is strange. I see so many people getting started with sourdough during this isolation period that there’s a weird, distributed sense of community in it. It’s heartening for reasons I struggle to explain. Seeing other people react to this in a similarly positive fashion is comforting, I guess. Like, we’re doing it right if we’re all doing the thing? We’re reasonably well stocked on foodstuffs and other essentials. If my math is correct, I don’t see us running out until this thing…starts to peak. Well, that’s a worrying thought. Going out right now simply isn’t an option. In addition to the plague, allergy season is winning the war against the arsenal of medications I’m on and it looks like someone threw acid on the tops of my wrists. I have no clue what I’m reacting to. I’m going to stay indoors, keep the filters clean, and hope like heck that whatever is causing this isn’t inside the apartment. Which is probably is. Anyway, that’s about it. I’m just chugging along, trying to avoid social media during work hours and do everything I can to try to forestall what seems inevitable at this point. We’re getting by. We’ll continue to do so because there’s not really any other option, is there? I hope you all are keeping your heads above water. We’re all going to be really good swimmers when this is over.

Fortunately, in many ways, I am better-equipped than many people to spend hours on end at home. Even in a small-ish apartment, I’m easily amused by things which don’t require a lot of space or movement. Things like books, musical instruments and, um…MMORPGs. I spent over a year on World of Warcraft. By that, I mean that the game keeps track of how long you’ve been logged in and I topped 365 days which, at the time, amounted to more than 2% of my life. I should probably shudder thinking about it, but it was also incredibly good entertainment per dollar and I got to spend a lot of time with good people, some of whom I actually know. Yes, I did a lot of flower picking in this game. All things, good and otherwise, eventually end. It got to the point where I’d sit down to log in to WoW and just…couldn’t. It was a very social experience and, as the people I cared about drifted away from it, I had less and less reasons to stay. The social side of it masked the fact that, in many ways, it wasn’t a very good game, or more to the point, it wasn’t a very good story. I’ve played worse, but I’ve also played much, much better stories. I’m a latecomer to Final Fantasy, in that the tenth installment of the series was my first (mind you, that was almost twenty years ago). It was fascinating to me because the “game” aspect of it was almost beside the point. It was a story, a movie almost, and it was beautiful. It was the most moving game I’d every played and the internal logic of it was very different than anything I’d played before. Next up was FFXI, which, as it turns out, was/is an MMO. I tried it and it was…not good. It didn’t feel like Final Fantasy; it felt like a regular MMO in Final Fantasy drag. Maybe if I’d stuck to it longer it would have got it’s hooks into me, but the beginning experience was a slog, especially so for those of us who like to level up solo. It was pretty, but I don’t have a lot else to say about it. Now, Nicole is very old-school when it comes to Final Fantasy. VI and IX would top her list, but she’s played all of ‘em up until the one where I started. She recently picked up a PS4 so she could play the VII remake coming out next month and she noticed that there was a free demo of FFXIV. She’s not an MMO player, but she decided to give it a shot and asked me to join here. It turns out she’s still not an MMO person. I, on the other hand… I was really afraid that this would be another WoW at best, or even another FFXI. For the first fifteen levels or so, it easily could have been. It was pretty, but it was a fifteen level tutorial that could have come from any MMO. It wasn’t bad, but there wasn’t anything about it that screamed “Final Fantasy” either. It all changed when I got to the banquet. Everyone gets to the banquet around level fifteen. It’s where the game really starts. You get access to the world outside of your starting area, and you get your first glimpse at the overarching storyline. I won’t try to describe, but I will say it’s good, and it’s very Final Fantasy. It may seem like a small thing, but the character creation is important to me. I get into the role-playing aspect more than I probably should, and if I don’t like the way “I’“ look, it’s hard for me to get into the game. City of Heroes is still the gold standard for this in my opinion, but the FFXIV character generation options are outstanding. It’s also incredibly easy to alter the look of your gear so you can look the way you want to. And who wouldn’t want to be this dashing fellow? In fact, that’s far more “story” than there is “game”. Once things get rolling, the numerous cut scenes are what glue you to the FFXIV more than the gameplay. For someone who spent as much time in WoW as I did, this was a welcome change of pace. At the end of the base game, there’s something like fifty straight minutes of cutscenes and they’re brilliant. The game itself is, for the most part, pretty easy. The dungeons were much more forgiving than what I was used to. I got some grief as a healer for spending all my time healing; things are tuned so that the healers are expected to contribute to the damage because no one hit is going to put the tanks into much trouble. It’s more about movement and knowing the mechanics than pure damage and healing throughput. It’s also a game that can be played, so far at least, largely solo. The times you do have to group with other players are relatively painless and not so frequent as to be a big deal. By the time you get to the third expansion, you can even choose NPCs to fill out your party rather than grouping with other real players. For those of us who aren’t feeling especially social, this is brilliant. Let’s talk about the NPCs for a bit while we’re at it. Unlike other MMOs I’ve played, the core group of NPCs genuinely feel like your friends as opposed to quest-givers and plot devices. You spend far, far more time with Minfilia, Thancred, Y’Shtola, Papalymo, Yda, Urianger, and especially Tataru than you do with any NPC in WoW. They go on quests with you, they banter, and they make mistakes that are in-character for them. They’re the best part of the game and I look forward to every interaction with them. Y’Shtola gazing deeply into my eyes…or into the distance, and just happened to move my character in front of her. But hey, you can have capybara pets! So, yeah, it’s an MMO with all of the baggage that entails. But it’s a story-driven, well-written, well-designed MMO that avoids the majority of what I don’t like about MMOs and has everything I love about Final Fantasy. The…

This has certainly been an interesting Democratic primary so far, hasn’t it? I have some thoughts about this that I wanted to get down before whatever plague is heading my way starts to eat my brain and soil my memories. Let’s start this out by saying that I’ve already voted in the primary, so you can get mad at me for my opinions but the die is already cast, so to speak. I voted for Elizabeth Warren in the Presidential primary. I doubt anyone who knows me is surprised by this. To me, she was a near-ideal combination of ideology, effectiveness, and preparedness. She’s the closest thing I’ve had to a no-compromise candidate in my 36 years of voting in national elections. She’s off the board now, as are many other attractive alternatives, so we’re down to two options, both of whom are less than ideal to me. Let’s start with Bernie Sanders. On the plus side, I agree with his hopes and dreams almost 100%. Almost everything he wants is what I want as well. I may agree with him more than I do Warren, which is saying something. He’s an inspiring speaker who seems younger than his physical age. He’s able to get people excited about things that I’ve wanted for ages. There’s a lot to like here. So why is he “less than ideal”? Let’s start with the most important one: Most of the people in the Democratic party prefer Joe Biden and that is a really big deal. His winning the nomination as a non-Democrat was always a moon shot, and it turns out that he drives a lot of people to the polls to vote against him. Once significant numbers of minority voters got a chance to cast their ballot, it was over. Even if he were to cross that hurdle, I remain unconvinced he’s a superior candidate in the general election. If he were to hit those two jackpots, what’s his upside? Carter? A president elected by a popular groundswell who has the support of neither party and, thus, neither house of Congress. The downside is Goldwater. Sanders’ record in the Senate suggest that he’s an uncompromising leftist who has struggled to get results. Goldwater’s an instructive example here. He was the ideologically pure right-wing candidate that the true believers on the right wanted. He got clobbered in the general, but the movement Republicans learned an important lesson: You can’t start at the top. Nominating or electing a President to represent your movement is attractive, but it’s not really effective. Both of my parents were movement Republicans. The lesson they took from Goldwater was that you start at the bottom. You take the school boards, the city councils, the county infrastructure first. Then, build from that. I vote progressive in every single local election, and I donate to those campaigns, because that’s where the change comes from. Electing a President without the structure to support their goals is a short-cut that just doesn’t work. And, you’ll note that I say “goals” and “hopes” and “dreams” and not “plans” (not that “having detailed plans” has ever helped anyone get elected). Senator Sanders hasn’t shown much of a gift for building consensus, making compromises to get things done, and all of the stuff you have to do to effectively govern. I love his uncompromising ideology. I fear that he would be utterly ineffective at implementing it. And then there’s Joe Biden. Sigh. I don’t like Joe Biden. I don’t like what little he stands for. I don’t find him inspiring. He’s a corporatist centrist who is somewhere right of Obama (and well right of Clinton, H.). His congressional record is mediocre and punctuated with some genuinely awful votes. I know, I’m really selling him here, huh? So what does Joe bring to the table? He’s going to get the Democratic nomination and he’s not Donald Trump. That’s the #1 job, because without beating Donald Trump, none of the rest matters. I don’t care how beautiful a candidate’s agenda is; if they can’t win the primary, they can’t beat Donald Trump, and if they can’t do both of those things, then why are we having this conversation? Anyone who tries to tell you that there’s no difference between the two of them is simply being obtuse. There are more differences between Trump and Biden than Biden and Sanders. I’ve seen the charts on the policy positions. They’re great. They don’t list things like “Believes the Constitution grants the President unlimited power” and “Doesn’t believe that Congress has any legitimate oversight over the office of the President”. I could go on, but you get the idea. You want to say Biden is like Romney? Yeah, OK, I’ll buy that. But Trump? I struggle to believe that that’s an honest opinion. And make no mistake about it: Joe Biden almost certainly is going to be the Democratic nominee. I might even agree that he should be, even though I have very little agreement with him on policy. He is the more likely to beat Trump because he will be nominee and Sanders won’t. I want Sanders to do well and to stick around until the convention and I want him to be able to force a few promises from the establishment and for his people to have a seat at the table. The wild card, of course, is that if/when Sanders doesn’t get the nomination, a lot of his supporters will either sit out the election, vote third party, or even vote Trump. There might even be enough to do this to throw the election to Trump if it’s close. I cannot wrap my head around the thinking, but there was a lot of it last time, too. Tired of voting for the lesser of two evils? Me too! But, unfortunately, that’s all that’s on the menu. In fact, that’s almost always what’s on the menu. You very seldom get exactly what you want in a candidate. And, on those rare occasions when you do get a unicorn but they don’t win the primary? It hurts. That’s what I’m dealing with right now. In November, I’ll hold my nose and vote for the candidate who I believe will be better for the most people because that’s my job as a citizen. -RK P.S. I…