Category: Journal

It’s windy and gray outside, which means that by the time I finish writing this, the skies will open up and it’ll be one of those Texas spring deluges that generates flash flood warning and tiny toad spawns. I don’t dislike days like this, and in the right mood, I kind of dig them. They’re interesting and there’s been little enough of that going around of late. I’m loving the way that social media has become list-and-meme driven like it’s 2005 again. The sense of social in social networking had been almost choked out of it. But what do I know? I’m an old LiveJournal guy who still remembers the markup for hiding stuff behind a cut. Anyway, one of the more popular lists going around right now is the one where you name ten things that most people like that you don’t. It’s a fun exercise and I think I may have even responded to one of them on Twitter, but today, I think I’m going to name ten things that I love right now; ten things that are giving me good feelings in the here-and-now. My therapist would be proud. In no particular order: 1. My cat, Winjamin Failclaw This doofus is determined to make the most of my home-bounditude. He’s an oddity in that he used to be a lap cat but isn’t so much anymore. He instead prefers to wait until I am at least somewhat-reclined and climbs up on my chest with his paws over my shoulder. This is not optimal for video conferencing. Well, it is not optimal for me. He doesn’t seem to mind in the least. He’s getting on in years so it’s nice to seem him become more affectionate as time goes by. 2. These pens now that I got the #$^%^ ink working A few years ago, I got a nifty Lamy Safari fountain pen and bought some beautiful ink to go with it. And, after a while, I stopped using it because it just never seemed to work worth a damn. The ink, unlike the spice, did not flow. Also, I wasn’t thrilled with the medium-sized nib I had on it. So, I thought I’d get a finer nib and it turned out that you’re pretty much better off just buying another pen. It’s easy to switch the nibs on ‘em. The new pen came with some generic ink and it worked perfectly with either nib. I finally put two and two together and looked up how to thin out ink. It turns out you…add water. Yep, that’s all there is to it. And now the fancy ink works beautifully, even with the fine nib. Simultaneously happy and embarrassed. These pens are a real joy to write with, but I feel kinda dumb that it took so long to figure out what was wrong. 3. My apocalypse playlists Just a little something to get me through the night. The first one, my favorite, is mostly soft and sad. The second is instrumental (a lot of post-rock, if that’s your bag), and the third is industrial. Enjoy! 4. My wife Nicole Here’s where my luck really kicks in. It turns out we really enjoy spending time together and tend not to get in each other’s way. Working from home these last three weeks has been tough on me, but it’s nothing to do with her. Instead, she’s making me feel loved and welcome in small, surprising ways that have helped keep me moving when it would be far easier not to. 5. My ridiculous hobby and all the toys associated with it I am not a musician. Not. Even. Close. However, I’m worse at singing than anything else, so I have to find some other way to scratch that itch. Thanks to the sounds of Side 3 of Genesis’ Three Sides Live, I am a keyboard guy. I love the sounds, I love the feel, I love the way they work, I love composing, and I especially love playing along with songs I, um…love. That’s too many “loves” for one sentence. Anyway, I’ve been collecting and playing the things since I bought Kevin Corrigan’s Sequential Prelude back in high school. I’ve owned, at one time or another…too many to list. They’re a marvelous hobby to sink myself into when I can’t leave the apartment and need to dump some anxiety. 6. Baking bread Yeah, I know everyone’s doing this now, to which I say: “Good for everyone!” I’m using an absurdly slow sourdough recipe that is finally yielding the kind of results I’ve been hoping for since I baked my first loaf of bread. It takes a couple days to make, but I’m finally getting all of the elements that I’ve been looking for. It’s also just weirdly satisfying to do something like this as a reaction to difficult financial times. It feels like I’m contributing (I can feel Nicole’s side-eye here as she’s doing the lion’s share of shopping and cooking) in a way that is very hands on way. 7. This ridiculous little espresso maker Nicole bought this because she doesn’t care for drip coffee. $30 on Amazon and with some seriously sketchy reviews (“Tends to explode”), but for the price, it can’t be beat. It’s not especially…espresso-y…but it’s a good, strong bracing splash of coffee to start one’s day. It’s lasted a few years already and it paid for itself in about a week, so, yeah. Love this little guy. He’s my best friend first thing in the morning. 8. The pond Staying in one place generally means you don’t get a lot of variety in your view. We’re fortunate in that we chose a place to live that has far more windows than most apartments. Most of what we can see is “other apartments” which can be amusing, especially when the lady across the street is throwing things at her mother, but otherwise…they’re apartments. On the other hand, we also have the pond. Yes, I know. It’s really just a runoff collection tank to help alleviate floods, but it’s still pretty pond-y. We get ducks, coots, and egrets. We get turtles and snails. We also get snakes and bats, which have their charm but are more charming at a distance. It’s also directly west of us, so we get some pretty…

Time has stopped working. Or, at least, it has stopped working in the way I was accustomed to it working. Every day feels pretty much like the last, and I say that as someone who is (currently) fortunate enough to remain employed. Other than going to the doctor (more on that in a bit), I haven’t really been out of the apartment for anything beyond checking the mail or a brief walk around the neighborhood when no one else was about. We’re all trying very hard not to occupy each other’s space, which feels like something from a China Miéville novel more than anything Kafka ever wrote. I won’t post any pictures here because I like the few of you that read this, but I was afflicted with a skin infection last week. At first I thought it was just an allergic reaction due to all of the various pollens in the air right now, but, given the meds I’m on, I really shouldn’t be able to have an allergic reaction to anything. It didn’t respond to anything, or rather it didn’t respond in a positive way to any treatments available to me, so I sought out my dermatologist. Seeing a doctor was a little different than it was the last time I did it. We started with a video call and I tried, to the best of my ability to show her the affected areas on both of my arms. I did well enough for her to say “ew” and ask me to come in to see her. I put on my mask, grabbed a Clorox wipe like an 18th century dandy’s kerchief, and got n the car for the first time in a week. When I arrived, the door was locked and the nurse came out an unlocked it and opened it for me. She then opened the door back to the exam room for me and guided me back to it. I was the only patient in the building. The doctor arrived, also wearing a mask, and did cultures on the sores, prescribed me some heavy antibiotics, and that was that. It turns out it was MRSA again. So, if I needed another reason to stay home, I had it. That was the “highlight” of my week. I have a side hustle, but it is sports-related and as it turns out, there’s not much going on in the world of sports right now. I produced three articles for them anyway, because why not? One of them was the single-dumbest thing I’ve ever written and I couldn’t be more proud of it. There’s no money in that gig, but it’s something to do. We’re now to the point where everything feels pointless. I just don’t see any other people outside of conference calls.. I might as well be on a mission to Mars right now. The rest of the world feels more and more abstract.. Social media helps. It reminds me that people are still out there, still moving, still doing things, sharing lists and photos like it’s LiveJournal all over again. It doesn’t completely replace experiencing the outside world.

I set a new record in Pokemon go last week: I walked zero kilometers. I’m quite “embunkered” right now, which isn’t really a word, but it should be and probably will be before this is all over. I might as well document what’s going on here for posterity’s sake, right? What’s going on is very little. Like most businesses, the one I work for is down to a skeletal staff. I am incredibly fortunate to be part of that skeleton, but it feels tenuous. I feel as though I am under the microscope to justify my continued employment on a daily basis. I suspect it feels like that because it is like that. Businesses with no revenue tend to pay a great deal of attention to expenses. Actually doing work is difficult right now. It is, I imagine, somewhat analogous to recovering from a stroke. The majority of the familiar pathways are no longer connected and working. Who I work with, what I’m doing, what I’m responsible for…all of these things have to be relearned on the fly. It’s not a situation that lends itself to good sleep. My sleeping patterns are shifting by about half an hour a day, but they’ve moved as far as they can in the morning. Thanks to my now extremely-short commute, I had some slack, but it’s gone now and I need to be able to function in the morning on limited coffee rations, so this is not a sustainable pattern. Nicole is doing an amazing job of creating filling, tasty meals out of items that are both cheap and available for purchase, which is a short list that doesn’t guarantee any of it will go together. She’s making it work, though. I’ve been baking a lot of sourdough bread and we’ve only recently realized that the discard from the starter is an amazing additive to waffles, pancakes, rolls, and…well, most anything remotely bread-related. The waffles are to die for. The sourdough thing is strange. I see so many people getting started with sourdough during this isolation period that there’s a weird, distributed sense of community in it. It’s heartening for reasons I struggle to explain. Seeing other people react to this in a similarly positive fashion is comforting, I guess. Like, we’re doing it right if we’re all doing the thing? We’re reasonably well stocked on foodstuffs and other essentials. If my math is correct, I don’t see us running out until this thing…starts to peak. Well, that’s a worrying thought. Going out right now simply isn’t an option. In addition to the plague, allergy season is winning the war against the arsenal of medications I’m on and it looks like someone threw acid on the tops of my wrists. I have no clue what I’m reacting to. I’m going to stay indoors, keep the filters clean, and hope like heck that whatever is causing this isn’t inside the apartment. Which is probably is. Anyway, that’s about it. I’m just chugging along, trying to avoid social media during work hours and do everything I can to try to forestall what seems inevitable at this point. We’re getting by. We’ll continue to do so because there’s not really any other option, is there? I hope you all are keeping your heads above water. We’re all going to be really good swimmers when this is over.

Fortunately, in many ways, I am better-equipped than many people to spend hours on end at home. Even in a small-ish apartment, I’m easily amused by things which don’t require a lot of space or movement. Things like books, musical instruments and, um…MMORPGs. I spent over a year on World of Warcraft. By that, I mean that the game keeps track of how long you’ve been logged in and I topped 365 days which, at the time, amounted to more than 2% of my life. I should probably shudder thinking about it, but it was also incredibly good entertainment per dollar and I got to spend a lot of time with good people, some of whom I actually know. Yes, I did a lot of flower picking in this game. All things, good and otherwise, eventually end. It got to the point where I’d sit down to log in to WoW and just…couldn’t. It was a very social experience and, as the people I cared about drifted away from it, I had less and less reasons to stay. The social side of it masked the fact that, in many ways, it wasn’t a very good game, or more to the point, it wasn’t a very good story. I’ve played worse, but I’ve also played much, much better stories. I’m a latecomer to Final Fantasy, in that the tenth installment of the series was my first (mind you, that was almost twenty years ago). It was fascinating to me because the “game” aspect of it was almost beside the point. It was a story, a movie almost, and it was beautiful. It was the most moving game I’d every played and the internal logic of it was very different than anything I’d played before. Next up was FFXI, which, as it turns out, was/is an MMO. I tried it and it was…not good. It didn’t feel like Final Fantasy; it felt like a regular MMO in Final Fantasy drag. Maybe if I’d stuck to it longer it would have got it’s hooks into me, but the beginning experience was a slog, especially so for those of us who like to level up solo. It was pretty, but I don’t have a lot else to say about it. Now, Nicole is very old-school when it comes to Final Fantasy. VI and IX would top her list, but she’s played all of ‘em up until the one where I started. She recently picked up a PS4 so she could play the VII remake coming out next month and she noticed that there was a free demo of FFXIV. She’s not an MMO player, but she decided to give it a shot and asked me to join here. It turns out she’s still not an MMO person. I, on the other hand… I was really afraid that this would be another WoW at best, or even another FFXI. For the first fifteen levels or so, it easily could have been. It was pretty, but it was a fifteen level tutorial that could have come from any MMO. It wasn’t bad, but there wasn’t anything about it that screamed “Final Fantasy” either. It all changed when I got to the banquet. Everyone gets to the banquet around level fifteen. It’s where the game really starts. You get access to the world outside of your starting area, and you get your first glimpse at the overarching storyline. I won’t try to describe, but I will say it’s good, and it’s very Final Fantasy. It may seem like a small thing, but the character creation is important to me. I get into the role-playing aspect more than I probably should, and if I don’t like the way “I’“ look, it’s hard for me to get into the game. City of Heroes is still the gold standard for this in my opinion, but the FFXIV character generation options are outstanding. It’s also incredibly easy to alter the look of your gear so you can look the way you want to. And who wouldn’t want to be this dashing fellow? In fact, that’s far more “story” than there is “game”. Once things get rolling, the numerous cut scenes are what glue you to the FFXIV more than the gameplay. For someone who spent as much time in WoW as I did, this was a welcome change of pace. At the end of the base game, there’s something like fifty straight minutes of cutscenes and they’re brilliant. The game itself is, for the most part, pretty easy. The dungeons were much more forgiving than what I was used to. I got some grief as a healer for spending all my time healing; things are tuned so that the healers are expected to contribute to the damage because no one hit is going to put the tanks into much trouble. It’s more about movement and knowing the mechanics than pure damage and healing throughput. It’s also a game that can be played, so far at least, largely solo. The times you do have to group with other players are relatively painless and not so frequent as to be a big deal. By the time you get to the third expansion, you can even choose NPCs to fill out your party rather than grouping with other real players. For those of us who aren’t feeling especially social, this is brilliant. Let’s talk about the NPCs for a bit while we’re at it. Unlike other MMOs I’ve played, the core group of NPCs genuinely feel like your friends as opposed to quest-givers and plot devices. You spend far, far more time with Minfilia, Thancred, Y’Shtola, Papalymo, Yda, Urianger, and especially Tataru than you do with any NPC in WoW. They go on quests with you, they banter, and they make mistakes that are in-character for them. They’re the best part of the game and I look forward to every interaction with them. Y’Shtola gazing deeply into my eyes…or into the distance, and just happened to move my character in front of her. But hey, you can have capybara pets! So, yeah, it’s an MMO with all of the baggage that entails. But it’s a story-driven, well-written, well-designed MMO that avoids the majority of what I don’t like about MMOs and has everything I love about Final Fantasy. The…

This has certainly been an interesting Democratic primary so far, hasn’t it? I have some thoughts about this that I wanted to get down before whatever plague is heading my way starts to eat my brain and soil my memories. Let’s start this out by saying that I’ve already voted in the primary, so you can get mad at me for my opinions but the die is already cast, so to speak. I voted for Elizabeth Warren in the Presidential primary. I doubt anyone who knows me is surprised by this. To me, she was a near-ideal combination of ideology, effectiveness, and preparedness. She’s the closest thing I’ve had to a no-compromise candidate in my 36 years of voting in national elections. She’s off the board now, as are many other attractive alternatives, so we’re down to two options, both of whom are less than ideal to me. Let’s start with Bernie Sanders. On the plus side, I agree with his hopes and dreams almost 100%. Almost everything he wants is what I want as well. I may agree with him more than I do Warren, which is saying something. He’s an inspiring speaker who seems younger than his physical age. He’s able to get people excited about things that I’ve wanted for ages. There’s a lot to like here. So why is he “less than ideal”? Let’s start with the most important one: Most of the people in the Democratic party prefer Joe Biden and that is a really big deal. His winning the nomination as a non-Democrat was always a moon shot, and it turns out that he drives a lot of people to the polls to vote against him. Once significant numbers of minority voters got a chance to cast their ballot, it was over. Even if he were to cross that hurdle, I remain unconvinced he’s a superior candidate in the general election. If he were to hit those two jackpots, what’s his upside? Carter? A president elected by a popular groundswell who has the support of neither party and, thus, neither house of Congress. The downside is Goldwater. Sanders’ record in the Senate suggest that he’s an uncompromising leftist who has struggled to get results. Goldwater’s an instructive example here. He was the ideologically pure right-wing candidate that the true believers on the right wanted. He got clobbered in the general, but the movement Republicans learned an important lesson: You can’t start at the top. Nominating or electing a President to represent your movement is attractive, but it’s not really effective. Both of my parents were movement Republicans. The lesson they took from Goldwater was that you start at the bottom. You take the school boards, the city councils, the county infrastructure first. Then, build from that. I vote progressive in every single local election, and I donate to those campaigns, because that’s where the change comes from. Electing a President without the structure to support their goals is a short-cut that just doesn’t work. And, you’ll note that I say “goals” and “hopes” and “dreams” and not “plans” (not that “having detailed plans” has ever helped anyone get elected). Senator Sanders hasn’t shown much of a gift for building consensus, making compromises to get things done, and all of the stuff you have to do to effectively govern. I love his uncompromising ideology. I fear that he would be utterly ineffective at implementing it. And then there’s Joe Biden. Sigh. I don’t like Joe Biden. I don’t like what little he stands for. I don’t find him inspiring. He’s a corporatist centrist who is somewhere right of Obama (and well right of Clinton, H.). His congressional record is mediocre and punctuated with some genuinely awful votes. I know, I’m really selling him here, huh? So what does Joe bring to the table? He’s going to get the Democratic nomination and he’s not Donald Trump. That’s the #1 job, because without beating Donald Trump, none of the rest matters. I don’t care how beautiful a candidate’s agenda is; if they can’t win the primary, they can’t beat Donald Trump, and if they can’t do both of those things, then why are we having this conversation? Anyone who tries to tell you that there’s no difference between the two of them is simply being obtuse. There are more differences between Trump and Biden than Biden and Sanders. I’ve seen the charts on the policy positions. They’re great. They don’t list things like “Believes the Constitution grants the President unlimited power” and “Doesn’t believe that Congress has any legitimate oversight over the office of the President”. I could go on, but you get the idea. You want to say Biden is like Romney? Yeah, OK, I’ll buy that. But Trump? I struggle to believe that that’s an honest opinion. And make no mistake about it: Joe Biden almost certainly is going to be the Democratic nominee. I might even agree that he should be, even though I have very little agreement with him on policy. He is the more likely to beat Trump because he will be nominee and Sanders won’t. I want Sanders to do well and to stick around until the convention and I want him to be able to force a few promises from the establishment and for his people to have a seat at the table. The wild card, of course, is that if/when Sanders doesn’t get the nomination, a lot of his supporters will either sit out the election, vote third party, or even vote Trump. There might even be enough to do this to throw the election to Trump if it’s close. I cannot wrap my head around the thinking, but there was a lot of it last time, too. Tired of voting for the lesser of two evils? Me too! But, unfortunately, that’s all that’s on the menu. In fact, that’s almost always what’s on the menu. You very seldom get exactly what you want in a candidate. And, on those rare occasions when you do get a unicorn but they don’t win the primary? It hurts. That’s what I’m dealing with right now. In November, I’ll hold my nose and vote for the candidate who I believe will be better for the most people because that’s my job as a citizen. -RK P.S. I…

This year has been terrible so far. Aside from work being something of a void that not merely gazes back, but glares with malice and madness, the celebrity deaths have been brutal. Neil Peart, Buck Henry, and Bill (if you’ grew up in Dallas, you know who I mean) in just the first two weeks of the year. I’ll be honest; watching the video of Rush’s first-ever life performance of “Losing It” in 2015 made me cry. Not to mention the fact that events in Washington have gone beyond farcical to “the most dangerous moment I can remember in my lifetime and yes I remember Nixon thank you for asking.” But, that’s not what I’m here to talk about today. What I’d like to talk about is my umbrella. I have the best umbrella. I own very few things that I would describe as “the best”. Part of that is determined by my financial reality and part of it is just the lack of a need to have “the best” of anything. I do not need things to be “the best”; I generally just need them to work for me. But, as a public transit user, I am out in the rain rather a lot. So, one Christmas a while back, I asked my wife for a “really nice umbrella”. Nicole took that to mean “get the absolute best umbrella available on the planet”. Or, at least, that’s what it seems like. My umbrella is black, which is a good color for an umbrella. It has a crooked wooden handle and a wooden poke-y bit that sticks out the top with a metal cap. It’s longer and larger than your standard umbrella, and it stands up to wind better than any umbrella I’ve ever held. It’s a really beautiful piece and it works marvelously. I wouldn’t say that everyone must own at least one thing that is “the best”, but having exactly one is a curiously pleasant experience. I have the best umbrella. I carry it knowing that it’s as good as an umbrella can get. So, if you can have one, small or small-ish thing that is that absolute best, I strongly recommend it. This is me trying to be positive in the face of one hell of a negative headwind. But, I really do like the umbrella. -RK

It’s the time of year when a particular subset of songs become unavoidable. Your reaction to hearing Christmas music everywhere can be shaped by many influences, not the least of which being “How many years you worked in a record store over the holidays and heard this music literally ad nauseam.” Ahem. Anyway, one of the years I worked at Camelot Music was 1984. That was the year that Band Aid released “Do They Know It’s Christmas”. I thought it would be fun to give it a listen and compare it to its also-evil twin, “We Are The World” and share my impressions. “Fun” may have been the wrong choice of words there. Let’s start with the one of the most obvious traits they share: Neither are good songs. They’re just not. They were both put together extremely quickly and under difficult circumstances (very, very few “supergroups” produce great work even when they spend a year in the studio together). But, they’re bad in wildly different ways, so let’s take a look. “Do They Know It’s Christmas” – Band AidReleased December 3, 1984 The stories of how it got made are more interesting than the song itself, which was based on a rejected bit of a song Bob Geldof wrote for his band, The Boomtown Rats. If you’re interested, there are plenty of resources available describing how the whole thing went from conception to in-the-stores in about a month. It’s a weird little song which doesn’t have the sort of sing-a-long appeal you’d expect of a benefit Christmas song. It’s an awkward collection of verses, hooks, bridges, and a pretty decent out-chorus. It’s very much an artifact of its time in that it’s both incredibly earnest and patronizing to a disturbing degree. You get the sense that there’s a sneer behind the colonialism, a criticism of it, that might have been intended in the lyrics but didn’t come across in the performances. Bono certainly thought so: “It’s the most biting line, and actually reveals how selfish a mindset we all have underneath. I think Bob was trying to be honest and raw and self-accusatory. Rather than sing, ‘We’re lucky it’s not us’ he was saying: ‘Well, when you say that, you mean ‘lucky it’s them.’ Now look at it. Now look at yourself.’” As for the performances, they’re mostly pretty nondescript with a couple of exceptions. Bono’s wailing of that line gets the most attention, but if you listen to it (something I can only half-heartedly recommend), pay attention to Boy George’s lines. I think he’s the best vocalist in the group by some margin and I feel for George Michael having to follow him. The “group” itself is largely composed of a few new wave groups who happened to be available in the brief window available to do the recording. Heavily represented are The Boomtown Rats, Spandau Ballet, Duran Duran, Status Quo, and Bananarama. It’s also very much a white boys club: No women get solo lines and Jodi Whatley is the only woman involved other than the members of Bananarama. For a benefit for Africa, there are also stunningly few people of African descent involved. In addition to Whatley, Kool & The Gang happened to be in the neighborhood and contribute to the chorus. The lack of voices of color doesn’t help the colonial vibe of the event. All-in-all, it’s extremely heartfelt, very DIY, very messy, and not without its problems. If I had to pick a favorite moment, it’d be Phil Collins giving it a go on the drums in his sweater vest. I’m biased, but I don’t think Phil gets enough credit for his charity work. He may not have always been out in front, but he was tirelessly willing to donate his time to any cause that asked. “We Are The World” – USA For AfricaReleased 7 March, 1985 Released only 3 months after “Do They Know It’s Christmas”, “We Are The World” sounds like it came from a completely different era. The songwriting and production of the first song were typical of the early-80s new wave era. “We Are The World”, featuring the beloved/dreaded Yamaha DX7 electric piano, was an R&B ballad with a sound that belonged to the end of the decade. The American tune, created with the luxury of a little more time to put things together as well as the wizardry of Quincy Jones, is an oh-so-slick affair with a much more fully-realized sounds than its predecessor. Another key difference is that, while Band Aid were largely composed of the members of a few bands, USA for Africa took more of a everybody-who-is-anybody approach. The list of soloists is daunting: Lionel Richie, Stevie Wonder, Paul Simon, Kenny Rogers, James Ingram, Tina Turner, Billy Joel, Michael Jackson, Diana Ross, Dione Warwick, Willie Nelson, Al Jarreau, Bruce Springsteen, Kenny Loggins, Steve Perry, Daryl Hall, Huey Lewis, Cyndi Lauper, Kim Carnes, Bob Dylan, and Ray Charles. Of course, the music can’t possibly match up to a cast like that. It’s as harmless and inoffensive and forgettable as you could possible want. And the lyrics are problematic in a very different way than those of “Do They Know It’s Christmas”. Where I think the words were meant to convey “This is our responsibility to do something”, it comes across more as “Look at us and this marvelous thing we are doing for other people…look at us!” On the plus side, the American song features a good number of African-American artists and it’s better for it. Unfortunately, instead of coming across as having it “white savior” complex, it still kind of lands on “rich American savior” which is…better? The video is far less unguarded than the UK song’s, so the charming moments are few and far between. As tempted as I am to select seeing Willie Nelson and Dione Warwick trading verses as my favorite moment, I have to give that honor to Cyndi Lauper. She brings it with an energy that Springsteen only wishes he had, and she can actually sing, too. Thanks for indulging me in this. Now let’s skip to things I actually want to listen to over the holidays. One of the things we always look forward to is when the Neko Atsume app switches to its winter music. It’s the same song that the game normally…

I’ve been in a fog of late, unable to think properly or remember things or feel any motivation to do anything interesting. It’s been…it’s been a while. Then, the other day, Nicole handed me a B12 supplement with breakfast and…wow, what a difference. I know that vitamins are, by and large, not especially effective, and it might just be a coincidence related to me not being sick anymore, but for the last three days, I’ve not only had energy, my brain has started working again. I spent something like 20 minutes last week trying to recall a violin line from a song that I’d played a zillion times and I couldn’t recall it and it just. drove. me. nuts. Sitting in the tub last night (yes, I take baths-baths are awesome), it all came back to me, as did a dozen other things I couldn’t remember. It feels like rebirth, albeit on a fairly small and significantly less dramatic scale. So, this is great. Now I feel like I can do stuff. I’ve missed doing stuff. Stuff can be a lot of fun. As it turns out Final Fantasy XIV is pretty much an MMORPG. I knew that going in, but it’s done nothing but reinforce that impression. That’s not bad, but it means that it’s less “Final Fantasy” than I was craving. The storylines are getting better as I level up and I’m only level 46, so maybe the flavor will improve. I did come across a cutscene that hit me as hard as anything since Wrathgate: The setup is that Alphinaud (the white haired boy) and Cid (the white haired man) are your buds, Gaius is the baddie (and Cid’s father figure somehow). Garuda, Ifrit, and Titan are…let’s call them demi-gods. You’ve just defeated Garuda in a fight, sort of, only not really. That’s the setup. This felt genuinely horrific to me, like, stick-with-me-like-an-unsettling-nightmare kind of horrific. That’s what I play the game for. If there’s more like this? I’m in. Speaking of things “I’m in”, I’m in a great mood right now. It’s sunny, I have energy, and I have Things To Look Forward To. Never underestimate the value of having Things To Look Forward To. When I was rock-bottom-y, I had to cling to little things, doctor’s appointments, payday, etc., as sort of the “next rung on the ladder” to keep me moving. in celebration of feeling great, here’s a profoundly stupid song that will put a smile on your face until you get tired of it because it does sort of get old, but…well, you be the judge: OK, I have a little work to do (I’m on call tonight!), but I didn’t want to let this good mood get away without putting something here. Cheers, RK

Heh. The title of this post came from me noting that fact that I had written three paragraphs on “dark mode” and that you were very lucky that I thought better of it and deleted it. I then wrote nine paragraphs of scattershot updates, some of which were interesting, some of them probably less so, but… Holy hell, Squarespace’s blog editor could use some work. The whole post disappear with one keystroke. I have no clue which keystroke. I know for damned sure the “undo” button won’t actually undo it so what’s the point? This is beyond frustrating. I mean, it would be worse if I’d lost a really good post, like that 70s television thing, but it’s still baffling that this is possible while at the same time impossible to reverse. Speaking of bad ideas, I found myself singing The Who’s “5:15” in a deeper register and with a slightly country and western inflection. When all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail, and when all you have are electronic instruments, you start imagining an electronic reworking of the song. I am almost certain that this is not something I should devote any time to. I am less certain that I’ll avoid the temptation. You’ are warned. Not related to anything, but here’s a photo of a snail covered in baby snails: Your timeline is now blessed. Anyway, I’m in fake-it-til-you-make-it mode right now. The well inside me is dry, but the itch is there. I want to do/read/write/play things, but I’m devoid of inspiration. That’s no excuse for not doing these things, but it’s an explanation, if that makes any sense. The rest of the year is going to be a roller coaster, not so much in the “up and down sense”, but rather in the “oh shit, we’re at the top of the hill and in a matter of moments, this sucker’s gong to go and there’s no getting off” sort of way. I am not, by nature, a holiday person. I am trying to be one this year. This particular holiday is, has been a good start. We had a simple plan: Hit up the farmer’s market, cook all day, stay home by ourselves, and don’t stress out. We did a good job with, although if yours truly had paid a little more attention, we probably wouldn’t have had goose-gizzard-as-opposed-to-just-goose-confit on the table, but it did give us a lot of duck fat and duck fat is a thing that magically makes everything better. I think I’m going to call it now as I have nothing in particular left to say and I’ve determined that a lot of what I said in the lost post was better off lost. I hope you’ve had some time away with work and that you’ve had the opportunity to spend that precious time any way your heart desires, be it with family, with friends, or alone if that’s your preference. Cheers, RK

When you think of the 1970s, what do you think of? Disco? Watergate? The end of the Viet Nam war? Awful chain restaurants? Cocaine? Those are all good answers, but if you want to really experience the 1970s in the U.S. of A (or at least my suburban bit of it)., there’s one cultural touchstone that sums it up better than any other and you seldom hear about it anymore: The TV variety show. Now, maybe this collective amnesia is a defense mechanism or maybe it’s just that we all remember it but we’re too embarrassed to talk about it, but it was there. It was a thing. It was everywhere. What was a “variety show”? It was weird. The most common form was an hour-long show featuring a somewhat-popular musical artist which would feature monologues, skits, comedy, and, of course, musical numbers. Many of these features would follow the same format from week to week: “It’s now time for everyone’s favorite part of the show, ‘He’s a little bit country; she’s a little bit rock and roll!’” If that sounds awful, then I’ve done a good job describing it. Most of these shows were not good. They were something you’d watch because there was almost guaranteed to be something that someone in the family would enjoy…sort of. It was the Bennigan’s approach to television: If we put enough stuff on the menu, everyone will be able to find something they can eat. One of the biggest was a holdover from the 60s. It was called “Hee Haw” and it starred country and western legends Buck Owens and Roy Clark. I doubt I can describe just how deeply weird this show was, but I’ll give it a shot. Everyone looked like they’d stolen their outfits from a high school production of Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. They sang (of course), they did stand up, they did singing comedy, they did comedy interspersed with both “pickin’” and “grinnin’”, I think there were some farmer’s-daughter type girls for some jiggle. Many others followed this same formula. Sonny and Cher were probably the most successful, especially if you count the post-Sonny Cher show (there would be no solo Sonny show). Donnie and Marie Osmond had a show. The Jacksons did, as did Flip Wilson*, Mac Davis, Tony Orlando & Dawn, and Bobby Goldsboro. The Captain and Tennille had a moderately successful show in spite of (or because of) the fact that “The Captain” was the living avatar of what would become known as “yacht rock”. Sha-Na-Na apparently had a show although now one remembers it, even the members of Sha-Na-Na. The cast of the Brady Bunch had a variety show. If that doesn’t fill you with lurking horror, I’m not sure what will. If you ever saw the Simpsons’ short where they had a variety show, please understand this one thing: It wasn’t parody; it was exactly the same as the shows of that era. Skip to 16:06. I apologize for the quality, but needs must when copyrights are being violated. The pinnacle of this trend would have to be the Shields and Yarnell show. Remember Shields and Yarnell? No? Let me educate you. Shields and Yarnell were popular mimes in the 1970s. Think on that for a moment. They were actually pretty funny, but the idea that there were mimes popular enough to get their own TV show tells you more about the decade than any history book is likely to do. Now, the ones that didn’t quite hew to the same formula weren’t all bad. Laugh In was terrific, as was Soul Train, and Carol Burnett. Oh, and technically, Saturday Night Live was (and still is) a variety show. What these shows had in common was some sense of an edge. The rest of them were uniformly populated by bland, middle of the road artists doing safe routines and safe music and telling safe jokes. Honestly, it would be much cooler if the 1970s were best represented by disaster movies, polyester suits, and the Ford years. Alas, none of those were the true character of the decade. Just like we remember New Wave music from the 80s and tend to forget that what people were really listening to was Huey Lewis, Lionel Richie, and Phil Collins, we tend to forget the bland-but-genuinely-popular aspects of the culture and latch on to the more interesting stuff. Which, honestly, is probably for the best. * I hate lumping Flip Wilson in with this group because Flip was awesome. He deserves better, but his show didn’t.